When you head to bed at night you have all the best intentions in the world of jumping up when your alarm goes off the next morning and springing into a new day but fast forward a few hours and as the first beep of your wake up call sounds your hand is instantly heading for the snooze button. An extra five or ten minutes in bed seems harmless enough but are there actually consequences to indulging in a little snooze time?
It turns out that as much as some of us may try to resist it, we humans work best when sticking to regular routines and habits. One of the most effective ways to manage your sleep and therefore your energy, productivity and focus is to get control of your snoozing habits. When we wake up and go to bed at the same time everyday our bodies can begin to establish patterns. With sleep these patterns can help to regulate our internal clocks and encourage us to wake up at a set time each day and start to feel sleepy at a set point each night. By doing this it can become easier to fall asleep and wake up in the morning but the snooze button is the destroyer of routine. By letting yourself drift back to sleep for even just half an hour your internal clock is completely thrown off and your body is left feeling confused and out of sync. Extra time in bed on a Sunday morning may feel amazing in the moment but when your body doesn't know when to get sleepy on Sunday night and you are still lying awake into the wee hours of Monday morning its not going to seem such a great idea.
You may not always be feeling super refreshed and ready to go when that alarm hits but an extra five minutes is not going to solve your problems as snoozing actually increases these feelings of lethargy. It turns out that if you are already tired an extra few minutes of snooze grabbed sleep could be the worst thing for you. By allowing ourselves to roll over and try to sneak an extra forty winks we may unknowingly be falling back into the beginning of our sleep cycle. This is the part of the cycle where our body releases hormones that encourage levels of deep sleep, which is great if you have the whole night ahead of you but disastrous if you only have five minutes. Being woken up from this sleep state will leave your body feeling unrested and can completely undo all the hours of sleep you have had as your brain now feels overly tired and as if it has slept badly all night.
Fortunately, there could be a snooze button compromise. There will always be those that advocate jumping from your bed as soon as the alarm rings but thats not always the best idea. Sometimes when our alarms go off our bodies really aren't at the ideal state for a short sharp wake up call. If you are jolted awake during a deep phase of sleep your brain can be left feeling disorientated and in need of a few minutes to gently compose itself. There is also evidence to show that if we are woken too early (thanks to late bedtimes) our core body temperature has not yet begun to rise for the day and it can leave us desperately craving the cosy warmth of our beds.
However, this is still no reason to head back to sleep, instead give our Snooze Stopper Challenge a go and give your morning the best start possible.
Instead of allowing your ten minute snooze to disrupt your day take the time to set your morning off in a positive way. So hit snooze and let's get started...
Lie on your back, eyes closed and with your arms resting by your sides
Take controlled breaths, inhaling through your nose and out through you mouth
Focus your mind on visualising your day ahead - what you will achieve, what are you looking forward to, what can you learn?
Start to stretch your body, pointing from the tips of your toes to the ends of your fingers as you raise your arms above your head
Slowly stretch and release in time to the rhythm of your breathing as you focus on your body's inhaling and exhaling
As the alarm marks the end of your snooze time gently open you eyes and choose a positive affirmation and repeat it to yourself as you climb out of bed and start your day...
I am in charge of how I feel and today I am choosing happiness
#sleepissues #snooze #riseandshine #morningroutines
We all know there is nothing better than that feeling you have when you wake up after a good nights sleep. The only problem is, how often does the alarm go and instead of feeling refreshed, recharged and raring to go you find yourself feeling sluggish,sleepy and reaching for the snooze button?
Struggling with the inability to sleep restfully is now one of the top reasons people are visiting their doctor and The Great British Bedtime Report has found that a massive 74% of us are sleeping for less than the recommended 7 hours a night and 12% of us are not even managing to get our heads down for at least 5 hours out of 24. Its no wonder that so many of us are struggling with a lack of energy, negative effects to mood and health and suffering with the detrimental impact this is causing on work and life relationships.
It has been well documented that we should leave our emails, midnight snacks and social media at the door to our bedrooms along with any of our bad blue light emitting devices and that we can improve our chances of catching some z's by blocking out the light, smelling the lavender and relaxing our minds.
But have you tried the power of pink noise?
You may have heard of white noise which is also known for its ability to send its listeners to sleep and for a long time white noise was the go to sound for insomnia relief. It has proved itself useful over the years by acting as a very effective noise blocker for all the little sounds that can often act as distractions when trying to drift off. However, it looks as if pink noise is about to steal the sleep crown. Unlike the monotonous, usually synthetic sound of white noise that is created by combining multiple frequencies at an equal level, pink noise is a use of high and low frequencies that mean it is often quieter, more natural sounding and a lot of us seem to find the noise just that bit more relaxing.
Not only does it sound more relaxing but scientifically it is not just sending us to sleep but actually improving the quality of the sleep we are having.
The steady sound that pink noise produces has been linked in multiple scientific studies to the regulation of our sleep. This happens as our brains activity including the patterns that control levels of sleeping are all influenced by sound. Pink noise slows the waves of our brains down and as they fall into steady patterns it allows our brain to settle itself down for a good nights rest and actually increases our levels of stable sleep, which is the most restful kind there is.
Amazingly lots of examples of pink noise can be found in nature and may in fact be part of the reason that many of us feel more rested while on holiday, as we are exposed to pink noise sounds that we may not usually find at home such as:
waves lapping on the beach
leaves rustling in the trees
the steady trickle of running water
Fortunately there is no need to pack our bags and leave in order to find a good nights sleep. There are multiple apps available right now that offer pink noise options and can be played directly into the room (although still leave any devices at a distance and resist the urge to bring them into the bed). Alternatively one of our personal favourites for at home pink noise is the humble house fan which not only gives off those relaxed sleep inducing frequencies but also acts as a temperature regulator and helps to keep the bedroom at a steady 16-18°C (60-65°F) which is thought to be the ideal sleep temp.
Please be aware that if stress or anxiety are keeping your eyes open late into the night it may be time to talk to someone that can help and if you are dealing with a sleep disorder such as sleep apnea or have underlying medical conditions that effect your ability to achieve a full nights rest the best way to help your sleep situation is to contact a medical professional.
“I’m so protective of me now I’ll cut someone off for simply having the wrong energy”
Did you breathe a sigh of relief when the red roses and love heart haze of Valentine’s Day cleared? No, this isn’t another blog on the trials and tribulations of being single, let’s face it plenty of us chose to remain on our own… relishing in the solitude, after all sole control of the TV remote controller can have its benefits! So who am I talking to? Well… the simple answer is YOU… the person that’s afraid of being in a relationship, even though you may well be in one right now as you’re reading this.
I was listening to Spotify while writing this article and Sam Smith started to play with his haunting song Too Good At Goodbyes. It’s a fantastic song and as I lost my concentration to the music and lyrics, I found myself deleting what I had been writing and absorbing instead his reflective lyrics…
“I’m never gonna let you close to me, Even though you mean the most to me…”
I realised what had started as a blog on Toxic Love had now morphed into a post about our own toxic behaviour in relationships.
Being in a committed relationship involves risks… it’s almost impossible for love to grow without authenticity of self which can be daunting. Failed relationships can make us question who we are and being in love can force us to self-reflect and even worry about how future partners will view us… how many of you have asked the question “is there something wrong with me?” Yet, it is through trust and vulnerability that we create intimacy but that in itself requires us to open our hearts and with that may come the fear of abandonment. When you open yourself fully to the potential of love, you are also opening yourself to being left, hurt, and afraid of being hurt again like you have been in the past. It’s these fears that can mean some of us find it easier to keep people at a distance, not letting them get too close so they can’t hurt us again.
The toxic view we hold over our own relationships can mean we never truly allow ourselves to love fully. The fear of abandonment can actually result in some people thinking it is better to not love at all than to be hurt again and left. Yes it hurts when a relationship ends but carrying pains and insecurities from past relationships keeps you just there... in the past! We all carry wounds but for those that have not allowed their wounds to completely heal from previous relationships, you are only prolonging the pain and stopping yourself moving forward in finding a lasting and healthy relationship.
The fear of abandonment can be toxic and without realising it you could be unintentionally sabotaging your relationship. If you answer yes to any of the below, then it might be time to step back and be honest about your feelings and fears:
I’ve been hurt before, so I never allow myself to open up fully to people
It’s better to protect yourself, so I keep those I date at a distance
I don’t really need anyone to be there for me I’m fine on my own
I don’t see the point of loving anyone when they just leave anyway
I get out first before they leave me
I’m not suited to relationships
I can’t trust anyone
People always cheat and can’t be trusted
You can move beyond the fear of abandonment and instead of being too good at goodbyes, let those old love wounds heal, learn to invite real intimacy and trust into your life and more importantly be open to a genuine and lasting love. Consider this… everything that you want from a relationship could be on the other side of that fear of abandonment.
Only when you let go of that fear can you attract a lasting love into your life. When you’re in the right relationship you will feel safe and the fear of being left will go, so “Love like you’ve never had your heart broken.”
Written by Nicole McKendry
#love #relationships #fear #trust
Whether it's a case of you left, they left, or you both left, a break up is never easy. Give yourself time immediately afterwards to try and process the changes in your life. Regardless of the current circumstances this person was a major part of your world and the human shaped hole they have left in your reality is going to take some time to heal.
Tears and missing the relationship you once shared is perfectly normal. Allow yourself to cry, to feel hurt and apprehensive. You need to express and let go of these feelings to begin to heal and fully move on from this break up.
Sometimes finding the words to express how you are really feeling (especially during the early stages) can feel almost impossible. It can become easy to feel overwhelmed by the constantly shifting emotions that you are experiencing. If this is the case now could be the time to start writing it out in a break up journal.
Studies have proven that expressive writing can improve physical and psychological health and help to make sense of confusing emotions. Take a moment and allow yourself the time to work through your inner thoughts. Resist the urge to monitor your words and instead let your mind run freely. We know this can be easier said than done so we have put together a list of break up journal prompts to get you going.
This activity is not intended to be used as a means to dwell on what you no longer have but instead it is a chance to look consciously at yourself, the qualities you hold, what you have learned from your experiences and where you see your life moving forward to in the future.
If you are seriously struggling with your emotions and are unable to cope with life post break up we would suggest having a chat with someone experienced in these issues.
#relationships #breakup #journalling #writingtherapy
Broken hearts, broken promises and broken dreams… love can shatter our world and leave us feeling lost, exhausted and disillusioned. We empower those who have hurt or left us to define our future and align our happiness and ability to love another within the constraints we bind ourselves in after a painful break up.
“You can search through the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha
There is no one, not even the ‘perfect partner’ who can make you feel happy and loved if you have failed to create a space within yourself for self-love. Loving and accepting ourselves is the key to our own wellbeing and happiness. Self-love is finding what makes you happy and only you. It’s about developing an intimate relationship with yourself that does not rely on someone else’s approval or love. Too often I see clients that have given up on love because they are unable to overcome the pain or betrayal of an ex-lover and have resigned themselves to being a “failure in love”.
The truth is… they have fallen out of love with themselves! Self-love should be your first love not your last. It’s more than just feeling good, it’s an appreciation of self and it grows and strengthens from those activities and actions that support your psychological, physical and spiritual growth.
So for those of you spending Valentine’s Day without a date… now is the perfect time to start a love affair with yourself, it might just change your life.
Follow our guide below to starting a Self-Love Routine:
Being present in your life enables you to open up your heart and mind so you can feel what is it you need instead of what you think you want. Be mindful of who you are and act on this, rather than on what others think you want.
We should always be concious of what we say to ourselves because we are always listening. Set the intention to say something kind to yourself every day, such as “I am a beautiful and powerful person.” Affirmations are a great way to reinforce how we feel about ourselves and draw positivity into our lives.
Too often we struggle to say ‘no’ to work, friends or family. Create boundaries that nurture you and avoid committing to activities that zap your energy both physically and emotionally.
We all make mistakes, none of us are perfect and you know what…that’s ok! Instead of beating yourself up and worrying what others are thinking, let it go and move on. Learn from it and then leave it in the past where it belongs and give no more thought or time to it.
Pamper yourself, take a long soak in a candle lit bath with your favourite essential oil or herbal tea bath. Meditate or take up a hobby that you love. Find time to be in your own company doing the things that you love. Forget waiting for someone to buy you flowers, treat yourself to a beautiful bouquet. Listen to your body and mind, go for a run or walk, take time out for yoga or meditation.
Accept and Love Yourself
Be your own authentic self! It can be exhausting trying to be someone you’re not or being the version of yourself created by someone else. As Kurt Cobain once said “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.” Accept who you are and embrace that person. We are all unique and accepting and loving ourselves for who we are leads to happiness and equilibrium. Your wellbeing and happiness is an inside job. The only person that can take it away from you is you!
Instead of trying to avoid Valentine’s Day this year, why not ignite that love affair with yourself and fall back in love with you.
Love is all around us but with the pressures of everyday life it can become all too easy to lose focus on the positive feelings of happiness it can bring into our lives. As the daily grind wears away at us we can start to take for granted the amazing gift that is sharing and receiving love with those that mean the most.
When we talk about love we are not just referring to the romantic kind. Love comes in so many different shapes and sizes, it means something different to each and every one of us and even when you think you can't find it, you only need to stop and look around to see that love is present in every part of our lives. You just need to be willing to take the time to notice.
That is why we have put together a list of 20 Love Affirmations for every love in your life. They include affirmations for all aspects of love from family to self-love and from the romantic to finding your own version of love in the everyday. So take five minutes, clear your mind and repeat the affirmations below out loud, focusing on each word as you say it. Repeat daily and refocus your consciousness to allow yourself to welcome love back into your life.
If you would like a bit more detail on what exactly an affirmation is, how they work and what they can be used for we wrote a whole post about them here.
20 LOVE AFFIRMATIONS
There's always room for one more on our Therapy couch... so whether you join us daily, weekly or just when you have time to stop by we hope that our therapy chatter allows you to take time out in your busy life, to unplug from your everyday stressors and simply breathe, listen and change!